Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
