sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
