had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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