I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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