if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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