I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
