So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
