u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
