Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
