dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize