I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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