Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize