I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
