Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
that is very illegal...i love you.
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