I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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