Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
