Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
