he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
