You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
