i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
