If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
