i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
