I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize