Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
