At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
