I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
