His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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