i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
