Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
