im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
