In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
