There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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