if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
