that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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