my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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