I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize