I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
