I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize