respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize