Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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