Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
