who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
