Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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