just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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