You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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