Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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