I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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