i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
