remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
