I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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