Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
