Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
