too bad you live with your parents still
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
