I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
