i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
