so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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