I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize