She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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