He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
