Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
