he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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