He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
