I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
