i think my mom watched the whole time
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
