I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm always down for nudity.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
