This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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