Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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