just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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