Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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