so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
