Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
