Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
