I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My friends, they love my intelligence
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
