I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
