really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
