My friends, they love my intelligence
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
